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Friday, April 4
in God I trust. some days.
A few weeks ago, I wrote that God was working in me on something I've struggled with for years. That something is trust.
I have moved up from homeless shelter to trailer park in my trust journey over the years. First, I learned to trust God with the big stuff, such as the times in life when you might say outrageous things out loud, like
"Let's plant a church" OR
"Wow! we both just lost our jobs, and now we're having a surprise baby that could put me in a coma again" OR
"God wants us to move to Indiana, and we don't know how to use an ice scraper."
Along the way, I learned to trust God with the small things, too, like helping me find my car keys or to get to appointments on time. Ironically, it's in these little things that I think my faith has grown the most, seeing that my God is big enough for even the tiniest details of my life.
But it's the medium stuff that's been tripping me up, the obstacles in the maze of everyday life, where I'm trying to raise my kids or manage my household or balance my work with my family. Medium things that have really big consequences, but that aren't so very urgent.
That's where God has been leading me to a new level of faith these days. And for me, because I often pride myself on being The Girl Who Makes Things Work All By Herself, Thank You Very Much, this feels nothing like that exercise you do in corporate training where you fall backwards and let someone catch you to prove you can trust them. It's more like diving headfirst from the Space Shuttle after your parachute has been switched out for a backpack full of rocks.
I am learning that trust for this middle road is not just falling back into the open arms of Jesus. Trust takes work. It's active, and it's hard. It's consciously saying, over and over, "I will seek first the Kingdom of God," and believing that God will add all things unto you. It is saying this whether you really believe it or not, and without trying to "add all things" on your own, just in case.
God is not afraid of my doubt, but He takes joy in my trust. I have a feeling that He cannot wait to show Himself faithful.
I have moved up from homeless shelter to trailer park in my trust journey over the years. First, I learned to trust God with the big stuff, such as the times in life when you might say outrageous things out loud, like
"Let's plant a church" OR
"Wow! we both just lost our jobs, and now we're having a surprise baby that could put me in a coma again" OR
"God wants us to move to Indiana, and we don't know how to use an ice scraper."
Along the way, I learned to trust God with the small things, too, like helping me find my car keys or to get to appointments on time. Ironically, it's in these little things that I think my faith has grown the most, seeing that my God is big enough for even the tiniest details of my life.
But it's the medium stuff that's been tripping me up, the obstacles in the maze of everyday life, where I'm trying to raise my kids or manage my household or balance my work with my family. Medium things that have really big consequences, but that aren't so very urgent.
That's where God has been leading me to a new level of faith these days. And for me, because I often pride myself on being The Girl Who Makes Things Work All By Herself, Thank You Very Much, this feels nothing like that exercise you do in corporate training where you fall backwards and let someone catch you to prove you can trust them. It's more like diving headfirst from the Space Shuttle after your parachute has been switched out for a backpack full of rocks.
I am learning that trust for this middle road is not just falling back into the open arms of Jesus. Trust takes work. It's active, and it's hard. It's consciously saying, over and over, "I will seek first the Kingdom of God," and believing that God will add all things unto you. It is saying this whether you really believe it or not, and without trying to "add all things" on your own, just in case.
God is not afraid of my doubt, but He takes joy in my trust. I have a feeling that He cannot wait to show Himself faithful.
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I could not possible agree with more than I already do. It IS like jumping with a pack of rocks, not a parachute. But having made that jump more times than I care to think about I can tell you that yes, He is faithful, even when we don't see it immediately. Sometimes it takes years to see where He has been leading us. Have the faith to follow.
I'm taking itty bitty baby steps in this area. I'm still not even sure I understand what it means to trust God with everything--I don't quite get the mechanics of how that works, Control Freak that I am. (Which is why I'm paying very, very close attention to Mike's message series right now!) But what you said--"It is saying this whether you really believe it or not"--that brings me another baby step closer to getting it.