masking & unveiling

Just kidding.

There's only one reason I'm shutting it down. It's because I think God wants me to. At least for awhile.

I don't have the words for what this little home on the web has done for me. I tried to say something about it last December, but the words were pale and anemic compared to the fresh rows that have been plowed across my heart.

Next Monday, I celebrate yet another birthday. The years are piling up like dirty laundry in the closet. They must be washed, and the way God is leading me to cleanse them is to write something more. There are things inside me itching to get out on real paper, and as long as I bring my best thoughts here, I cannot gather them for something better.

I could not have come to this place without you, so thank you. And I had a few more posts I wanted to get to, notes about the church and sacrifice and relationships that are scribbled in my head, but obedience can't wait any longer, so the posts will have to.

I'll miss you guys. I ask your prayers and encouragement.

And I do apologize that the last thing I left you with was "No Mo' Breakfast." Because that is just rank heresy.

I am trying to think of the right words to say here. But there just aren't any.

I added this to the comments, but I will say it more publicly in a post: I can't tell you how many men have quietly thanked me for the list below.

Most people have focused on the fun, sudden truth of point number five, but there's a reason that numbers one through four are repeated for emphasis. Two becoming one inevitably leads to friction, loss and wounds. The only way to survive long term is to lay your lives down — for as long as you are together — in continuous apology and acceptance.

The real secret of the list?

Wives will never have a satisfying sex life without learning forgiveness. And husbands will find it hard to choose forgiveness without enjoying a satisfying sex life.

As with all eternal things, grace is the lynchpin.

(This, in honor of the fact that Mike is making me get on stage to talk marriage with him in two weeks, and thus I am thinking of such things.)

1. Forgiveness
2. Forgiveness
3. Forgiveness
4. Forgiveness
5. Hot Sex

And my mother closes her browser in horror.

Mike taught on suffering this past weekend at church — how God does, in fact, allow suffering into the life of the Christian for His glory, His purpose, and His plan.

Not the smoothest pill to swallow.

I have always been struck by the response of Job in chapter 1, verse 21 of the book that bears his name: "Then he fell to the ground in worship." This response — after he lost all his wealth, his possessions, and his family.

It seems impossible. It must be allegory. Blind, God-centered, weighty devotion like that can hardly be real.

I recently stumbled across an epitaph recently for a Rachael Grudem, who died tragically in a car crash at the age of 23 back in 2005. She had been married for only three months to a 25-year-old named Alexander, the son of well-known theologian Wayne Grudem.

The stark statement of her death led me to search for her on the internet. But in the midst of seeking information about Rachael, however, I found a more comprehensive picture of Alex.

First: "(His brother) told us that upon seeing her body at the hospital...Alex began praising God. He praised God for being sovereign and for giving him such a beautiful gift, if only for a short while."

Then, I found the audio of Alex's brief, stumbling words at her memorial service. Listen if you dare — it's only about seven minutes. It will seem both quick and like an eternity all at once:



This is what it means to try to find purpose in suffering, to hold to glory when your world has smashed into a million sharp and bloody pieces. This is what it means to show the world that God is faithful and true even when your own heart screams that you should not believe it.

This is God most glorified in us when we are most satisfied in Him.

I warned you I had a few anvil-weighted posts in the hopper. There are a few more, but it's all leading someplace, I promise. More about that sometime next week.

I heard an astonishing statement come from the mouth of a secular, impartial guest on CNBC this morning. He spoke about the widening downturn in our economy and the expansion of government influence and regulation:

"We have to come to term with the fact that it's our moral and ethical failings over the last decade that have brought us to this place."

I was reminded of something I once read in a Laura Ingalls Wilder book, of all places. She had just been to a Fourth of July celebration in the center of dusty Dakota Territory, heard the Declaration of Independence read, and sang God Bless America with the gathered crowd.

The crowd was scattering away then, but Laura stood stock still. Suddenly she had a completely new thought. The Declaration and the song came together in her mind, and she thought: God is America's king. She thought: Americans won't obey any king on earth. Americans are free. That means they have to obey their own conscience. No king bosses Pa; he has to boss himself. Why (she thought), when I am a little older, Pa and Ma will stop telling me what to do, and there isn't anyone else who has a right to give me orders. I will have to make myself be good.

Her whole mind seemed to be lighted up by that thought. This is what it means to be free. It means you have to be good. 'Our father's God, author of liberty' — The laws of Nature and of Nature's God endow you with a right to life and liberty. Then you have to keep the laws of God, for God's law is the only thing that gives you a right to be free.'

If society stops being good, it will by necessity stop being free. Don't blame socialism, regulation or big government on the political system, blame it on the failures of the American Church to fulfill its mission in the 20th century and see lives transformed from the inside-out. To fight on the front lines of freedom in our times will be to fight on the front lines of the cause of the gospel.

If we don't, I fear that give me liberty or give me death will become not an historical battle cry, but a prophecy.

Assuming the God, water, shelter, clothing, oxygen and bacon stuff is covered and all.

1. books
2. NBA basketball
3. soap
4. my Mac
5. a sense of humor

Your turn.

I just received a flyer in the mail from one of Orlando's finer restaurants, inviting me to experience its winter prix-fixe menu. The presentation was five-star, but one look beyond the fancy language and typography uncovers the fact that you'll be dining on comforting meat and potatoes. The dessert course offered no pretense whatsoever: "Ice-Cold Milk and Warm Cookies."

Savvy choice.

In our current days of political and economic uncertainty, people are clinging to the steady, the dependable, the familiar. The wise business notices, and the wise church will do the same.

Steady, dependable and familiar doesn't really mean we forego creativity and innovation in delivering The Message — steady, dependable and familiar become the source of our creativity and innovation for this unique chapter in the Church's history.

And the Christ, who is the same yesterday, today and forever, makes my work as a church communicator both easier and more vital than it has ever been.

Motherhood is the silliest, strangest, most sorrowful road I've ever walked down. The fact that people want to record it in pretty scrapbook pages boggles the mind.

I'm proud to be an American, too, but that doesn't mean I wouldn't punch Lee Greenwood in the face if I saw him.

Our church celebrated its sixth birthday a few weeks ago. I couldn't let that pass without expressing my gratitude to God. And asking for a seventh-year sabbatical.

Speaking of asking for stuff, after 30 days of concentrated prayer, Mike and I both received the same answer from God: now is not the time to move into that bigger, cooler, more perfect house. Rats.

Mike also received another word from God about me: "She must write to know Me." Crazy God, always up in my business. We shall see...

1. Das Dutchman Essenhaus, Middlebury, Indiana
2. The French Laundry, Napa Valley, California
3. The Breakers, New Smyrna Beach, Florida
4. My mom's Thanksgiving table
5. Chipotle, Anywhere, Anytime

What are you hungry for?