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Saturday, April 12
a little marriage advice for all the girls in the house
I had someone ask me last week “what advice I’d give to someone who was getting married for the first time.”
My first thought: “Stop thinking there’ll be a next time.”
But the question also made me think of a letter I wrote to a good friend a few weeks before her wedding. Since I still challenge myself with these ideas daily, and since married life is a garden that needs as much patience, weeding and watering as it can get, I thought I’d pass on an excerpt from that letter to you, too:
A warning for you: The fulfillment of long dreams of marriage brings special pitfalls for a woman you must guard your heart against. You’ve imagined being a wife and mother for many years in a way that is unique to the feminine self; you must now learn every day to let go of what you’ve imagined and embrace what God has provided. The great struggle in a woman’s soul is to grow in wisdom and realize that the reality is stronger and sweeter than the dream. Begin now to let go of what you’ve envisioned and accept each new day as a gift from the hand of God.
This new chapter in your life will bring you incredible happiness and joy on some days, and deep heartache and sorrow on others. Both offer powerful ways to shape your heart to be like Jesus.
You will learn to embrace both kinds of ways over time.
Of course, when I asked my friend if I could publish a portion of this letter on the blog, she said that better advice would be to "go naked and make lots of lasagna." She's probably right.
My first thought: “Stop thinking there’ll be a next time.”
But the question also made me think of a letter I wrote to a good friend a few weeks before her wedding. Since I still challenge myself with these ideas daily, and since married life is a garden that needs as much patience, weeding and watering as it can get, I thought I’d pass on an excerpt from that letter to you, too:
A warning for you: The fulfillment of long dreams of marriage brings special pitfalls for a woman you must guard your heart against. You’ve imagined being a wife and mother for many years in a way that is unique to the feminine self; you must now learn every day to let go of what you’ve imagined and embrace what God has provided. The great struggle in a woman’s soul is to grow in wisdom and realize that the reality is stronger and sweeter than the dream. Begin now to let go of what you’ve envisioned and accept each new day as a gift from the hand of God.
This new chapter in your life will bring you incredible happiness and joy on some days, and deep heartache and sorrow on others. Both offer powerful ways to shape your heart to be like Jesus.
You will learn to embrace both kinds of ways over time.
Of course, when I asked my friend if I could publish a portion of this letter on the blog, she said that better advice would be to "go naked and make lots of lasagna." She's probably right.
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you have no idea how much i needed this on this very day - with tears in my eyes, i read a word you have spoken that i have struggled with for many months now. dreams of owning a cat (silly, i know), buying a new car, having a baby, and buying a house haunt me everyday and today came my breaking point of unrealized dreams. if only i knew then that my dreams would be put on hold for a while, i would be a better woman today. you are truly a blessing.