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Thursday, May 29
an open letter to the church hopper
As promised yesterday.
Dearest Career Church Hopper:
I met you again on Wednesday, the same person smiling at me through a different face, telling me that you've been shopping for churches for months now, and that darn it, you "just can't find one (you) like." The music's too rocky at this one, you said; the preacher too funny at that one. The latest one might make the cut, though: you'd had the pastor and his wife over the previous evening for a little "dinner audition" -- your words, not mine -- and he said things that made you feel good and comfortable, things that you already agree with, so you're thinking about sticking around. At the very least, you could get your teaching from this church and your worship from that one.
I'm sure we'll run into each other again, but before we do, I'd like to suggest some things you could perhaps think about before you move on to the next church, as I'm sure you will, whether this weekend or next year:
Sincerely,
The Preacher's Wife
Dearest Career Church Hopper:
I met you again on Wednesday, the same person smiling at me through a different face, telling me that you've been shopping for churches for months now, and that darn it, you "just can't find one (you) like." The music's too rocky at this one, you said; the preacher too funny at that one. The latest one might make the cut, though: you'd had the pastor and his wife over the previous evening for a little "dinner audition" -- your words, not mine -- and he said things that made you feel good and comfortable, things that you already agree with, so you're thinking about sticking around. At the very least, you could get your teaching from this church and your worship from that one.
I'm sure we'll run into each other again, but before we do, I'd like to suggest some things you could perhaps think about before you move on to the next church, as I'm sure you will, whether this weekend or next year:
Christ didn't bleed for the Church so you could treat your search for one like an episode of Survivor, deciding who to vote off the island this week.
The Church was not commissioned by Christ to meet your needs. You ARE the Church, and you've been commissioned to meet the needs of the world.
Christ loved the Church and gave himself up for her (Eph 5:25). Quit treating his bride like a Jesus buffet where you can pick and choose what you like, hedging your bets against the pain and sacrifice of making a commitment.
Per scripture's instructions to use your gifts in service to the Body of Christ -- and its lack of instruction to search for a church that scratches you where you itch -- you might want to consider what the Church you're visiting needs from you, rather than the other way around.
If you only want to hear things you already know and agree with, save your Sundays and talk to yourself in the bathroom mirror.
Sincerely,
The Preacher's Wife
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SNAP.
you rock chicky
My church planter husband LOVED this! I am going to forward it to every pastor's wife I know.
I don't know your church hopper and her experiences, and I think you raise some really strong, sound, good points.
If I may, though, I've been on the "church search" before, and until we found Grace, I really struggled with finding a church to call home. For us, it wasn't about cherry-picking, or like picking that with which we agreed or disagreed from a buffet; but it instead was about finding a community where we felt welcomed, challenged, valued, and encouraged to grow; the church in which I grew up felt stagnant, and seemed more about power than about relationship with Christ.
And in the interim we did a little church hopping to find a place that moved us; and we also spent a lot of Sundays at home. I feel very blessed that we've since found Grace Fellowship, and that committing to membership there has provided much opportunity for growth for our family... as well as opportunity for service.
Much thanks to you and Mike for your passionate commitment to the Church and the Body of Christ!
If I may, though, I've been on the "church search" before, and until we found Grace, I really struggled with finding a church to call home. For us, it wasn't about cherry-picking, or like picking that with which we agreed or disagreed from a buffet; but it instead was about finding a community where we felt welcomed, challenged, valued, and encouraged to grow; the church in which I grew up felt stagnant, and seemed more about power than about relationship with Christ.
And in the interim we did a little church hopping to find a place that moved us; and we also spent a lot of Sundays at home. I feel very blessed that we've since found Grace Fellowship, and that committing to membership there has provided much opportunity for growth for our family... as well as opportunity for service.
Much thanks to you and Mike for your passionate commitment to the Church and the Body of Christ!
Have no problem with people looking for the right church. Just want them to treat the search with more respect than they'd treat their search for a dry cleaner, and that they'd think more about what they can give to a church than what they can get. Your desire to find a place that challenged you to grow and serve means that you wanted a church that would move you to action, not a church that would do all the acting for you -- and on your own terms at that. Sounds like you and Joe did it up right.
I LOVE YOUR COMMENTS !!! HONEST, FULL OF WISDOM AND BASICALLY RIGHT ON !! Please, never, ever change your style.
E.Dave
E.Dave
Why is anyone suprised by church hopping much less upset about it when the church marketers (see David Well's courage to be Protestant) are treating the Gospel and the church as if it was another product that needs to be marketed. How many churches are run like businesses and how many books are being read in the church today that are written by marketing gurus such as Seth Godin. In the letter above it says, "The Church was not commissioned by Christ to meet your needs." but Tim Stevens says in his book, Pop Goes the Church, "So an effective church is busy identifying people's needs and letting the community know you have some help they should consider." Which one is it? When the church treats the gospel and markets it based on unbeliever's needs or the needs of the unchurched it only fosters church hopping and shopping.
Churches like Granger and books like Pop Goes the Church have contributed to this problem.
Churches like Granger and books like Pop Goes the Church have contributed to this problem.
This one left me wrecked. I have been struggling with the Church being the bride of Christ for a while now, because I rarely treat it that way. Probably because I don't always treat my wife like I love her. And I am on staff. Thanks for the honesty.
Great post! It's encouraging to see someone challenge the people that are 'dating' the church.
I think people will look back with sadness at Christianity in the US in the early 21st century. People are no longer passionate about Jesus, no longer missional, no longer concerned for the dying that are all around them.
We're not concerned for the dying in Africa and Asia yes, but also the dying and homeless right on the street corner. Sure we may give a dollar here or a prayer there, but where is the sacrificial love of Jesus?
I think people will look back with sadness at Christianity in the US in the early 21st century. People are no longer passionate about Jesus, no longer missional, no longer concerned for the dying that are all around them.
We're not concerned for the dying in Africa and Asia yes, but also the dying and homeless right on the street corner. Sure we may give a dollar here or a prayer there, but where is the sacrificial love of Jesus?
I think Mr. Anonymous is right, Kelly. It is all Tim's fault, oh and GCC's for the church shopping problem.
hah
Loved the post. Well put, my friend!
Love
Michelle Wegner
hah
Loved the post. Well put, my friend!
Love
Michelle Wegner
Kelly - I am so glad I could bless your life today :) I am a magnet for dissent...so it is fun to share the love. (Tim Stevens)
You rock and your words are honest and true. You keep kicking butt with your inspired writing! (I'll expect my $5 on Sunday) Just wanted to show my support for you and your work toward building the kingdom. (Seriously, Sunday.) Go Kelly, Go!
We call the assembly of "Christians" that meet together "the church" which happens to be the same word the Bible uses for the assembly of Christians. But could the "Christians" that meet together in 2008 be out of step with the church that God designed? and could this be one of the reasons we have church hoppers?
The "church" at Ephesus thought it was a good church, but Jesus said if they didn't reform (return to their first love) he would remove their candlestick (stop thinking of them as a church). A similar evaluation of some other "churches" is given in Revelations
I wonder how many "Christians" really love God, much less love him with all their hearts, souls, minds and strength!! Could it be that the "church" has become more like an assembly of people like Martha, - a group of doers- than like Mary - a group of lovers - in their relationship with Jesus?
The "church" at Ephesus thought it was a good church, but Jesus said if they didn't reform (return to their first love) he would remove their candlestick (stop thinking of them as a church). A similar evaluation of some other "churches" is given in Revelations
I wonder how many "Christians" really love God, much less love him with all their hearts, souls, minds and strength!! Could it be that the "church" has become more like an assembly of people like Martha, - a group of doers- than like Mary - a group of lovers - in their relationship with Jesus?
Why create a dichotomy between a "lover" and a "doer"? Don't they co-exist?
Check out John 21:15-17 -- but backtrack a minute to Luke 22:31-34, where Jesus is predicting that Peter would deny Him. Peter says "no way -- I'd die for you"; Jesus looks straight at Peter and says (vs 31) "when you have turned back, strengthen your brothers." Jesus knows Peter will deny Him (Peter didn't know that); yet Jesus gave him a mission to accomplish after his denial ("strengthen your brothers").
So we fast-forward to John 21. Jesus has been crucified (after Peter denied Him), and He rose from the dead. A few of the disciples are out fishing (not catching anything), Jesus arranges for them to catch some fish, and they all sit down for breakfast. After eating, Jesus looks at Peter (how awkward must that have been!) and asks if Peter loves Him (3x). Jesus responds (3x) with the same answer . . . feed my lambs/sheep.
Jesus knows that we (as Peter) are all, in our own ways, big screw-ups. But, despite the fact that we surprise ourselves (but not Jesus) with our failures, He tells us He has a mission for us. Show love (for Him, and for others) by feeding His sheep.
I agree that we could all get caught up in deeds, and miss the whole love aspect (I've been guilty of that myself). The opposite could also be true. But, in the end, doesn't Jesus ask each of us to be a lover-doer through the very act of service (rather than just warming a cozy seat for an hour)?
Check out John 21:15-17 -- but backtrack a minute to Luke 22:31-34, where Jesus is predicting that Peter would deny Him. Peter says "no way -- I'd die for you"; Jesus looks straight at Peter and says (vs 31) "when you have turned back, strengthen your brothers." Jesus knows Peter will deny Him (Peter didn't know that); yet Jesus gave him a mission to accomplish after his denial ("strengthen your brothers").
So we fast-forward to John 21. Jesus has been crucified (after Peter denied Him), and He rose from the dead. A few of the disciples are out fishing (not catching anything), Jesus arranges for them to catch some fish, and they all sit down for breakfast. After eating, Jesus looks at Peter (how awkward must that have been!) and asks if Peter loves Him (3x). Jesus responds (3x) with the same answer . . . feed my lambs/sheep.
Jesus knows that we (as Peter) are all, in our own ways, big screw-ups. But, despite the fact that we surprise ourselves (but not Jesus) with our failures, He tells us He has a mission for us. Show love (for Him, and for others) by feeding His sheep.
I agree that we could all get caught up in deeds, and miss the whole love aspect (I've been guilty of that myself). The opposite could also be true. But, in the end, doesn't Jesus ask each of us to be a lover-doer through the very act of service (rather than just warming a cozy seat for an hour)?
If church hopping is such a sin, then why do churches give such warm welcomes to people they really know are church hopping?
Grace operates with a non-discrimination policy: We welcome all kinds of sinners at our church!
i think i know that person. in fact i think i know a dozen. they visit my chch often. i now know where to send them next.
From a pastor/church planter's wife in Virginia - thank you. I could write a blog myself on this subject.
We know many families for whom this is like a generational curse - once it starts, every subsequent generation knows no other way of attending church. The sad part is, they usually leave because they consider themselves to be more spiritual than the church they are leaving, making them unable to grasp the depth of their involvement in the problem. They start their break-up with, "God told us.....".
When a few have announced to my husband that they are leaving because they are not happy, he responds "I was not Called to make you happy. I was Called to make you holy".
Sometimes I think we should employ the Jewish custom of turning people away 3x before accepting them into the congregation. Just kidding - put down the rotten veggies.
We know many families for whom this is like a generational curse - once it starts, every subsequent generation knows no other way of attending church. The sad part is, they usually leave because they consider themselves to be more spiritual than the church they are leaving, making them unable to grasp the depth of their involvement in the problem. They start their break-up with, "God told us.....".
When a few have announced to my husband that they are leaving because they are not happy, he responds "I was not Called to make you happy. I was Called to make you holy".
Sometimes I think we should employ the Jewish custom of turning people away 3x before accepting them into the congregation. Just kidding - put down the rotten veggies.
This is from someone who knows about this personally, finding the right fit is sometimes hard. I think there are times when God leads us to one church, and then leads us to another. Part of the change is associated with personal growth on my part, and other times to add my skills (in part) to the new church – that is my thought anyway. To me, being part of the church with a capital C is just that… believing in Christ and carrying out his word – not being stuck to one church with a little c. What makes that hard for the modern day church is the fact that I may take my dollars and move to another church. I may take my volunteer time and go somewhere else. That makes it challenging for them to plan as they do. Totally understand that. But I love the way one former pastor said it, “You belong in the church that God pulls you to, not in the church I want you to be in.”
Now with that comes the following with some additional comments to think through:
“Christ didn’t bleed for the Church so you could treat your search for one like an episode of Survivor, deciding who to vote off the island this week.” Christ didn’t bleed for the Church with a little C – he bleed for you and me and we make up the Church with a Big C. But, I totally agree that we should not disrespect any part of the Big C church. I totally agree that we should not treat anyone like some of the comments noted above. To me that is someone who is out for themselves rather than falling before God and asking what He would like for them to do. Sometimes it is not fun to be in a church that needs help… but maybe that is why a person is placed there.
“The Church was not commissioned by Christ to meet your needs. You ARE the Church, and you’ve been commissioned to meet the needs of the world.” Again totally agree… I am commissioned to meet the needs of the world … and to carry that one step further not to meet the needs of any one church with a little c.
“Christ loved the Church and gave himself up for her (Eph 5:25). Quit treating his bride like a Jesus buffet where you can pick and choose what you like, hedging your bets against the pain and sacrifice of making a commitment.” Again His bride was the church with a capital C not a little c.
“Per scripture’s instructions to use your gifts in service to the Body of Christ — and its lack of instruction to search for a church that scratches you where you itch — you might want to consider what the Church you’re visiting needs from you, rather than the other way around.” – touching on what I said above, maybe God had different plans for me… maybe He wanted me to use those God given talents to help another little c church or even the big C church. Not a personal issue, just following orders if you will.
“If you only want to hear things you already know and agree with, save your Sundays and talk to yourself in the bathroom mirror.” Maybe that is what caused the change to begin with… hearing the same thing, but the little c church doing nothing to continue that understanding. If a church is loosing members… figure out why. Did the minister or pastor use the same sermon every season? Is he challenging the congregation to think and act more Christ like – or just sitting on the sidelines preaching on Sunday. Some love to sit on the sidelines… some don’t – you need to figure out what you want to be and if that is good enough…not just for you, but for God. Also, to encourage me to “save my Sundays” because you think that I am church hopping solely because of the sermon and whether or not I know or agree with that sermon - well, that is pretty closed minded as to why people leave a little c church.
My thought is rather than be discouraged with someone stopping by and moving on, you should continue to keep on telling the story… singing the song… if you are loosing people – figure out why… if you are gaining people – figure out why. In today’s society, life is not about standing still – during Christ life it wasn’t about standing still - it was about growing and adapting and changing.
Now with that comes the following with some additional comments to think through:
“Christ didn’t bleed for the Church so you could treat your search for one like an episode of Survivor, deciding who to vote off the island this week.” Christ didn’t bleed for the Church with a little C – he bleed for you and me and we make up the Church with a Big C. But, I totally agree that we should not disrespect any part of the Big C church. I totally agree that we should not treat anyone like some of the comments noted above. To me that is someone who is out for themselves rather than falling before God and asking what He would like for them to do. Sometimes it is not fun to be in a church that needs help… but maybe that is why a person is placed there.
“The Church was not commissioned by Christ to meet your needs. You ARE the Church, and you’ve been commissioned to meet the needs of the world.” Again totally agree… I am commissioned to meet the needs of the world … and to carry that one step further not to meet the needs of any one church with a little c.
“Christ loved the Church and gave himself up for her (Eph 5:25). Quit treating his bride like a Jesus buffet where you can pick and choose what you like, hedging your bets against the pain and sacrifice of making a commitment.” Again His bride was the church with a capital C not a little c.
“Per scripture’s instructions to use your gifts in service to the Body of Christ — and its lack of instruction to search for a church that scratches you where you itch — you might want to consider what the Church you’re visiting needs from you, rather than the other way around.” – touching on what I said above, maybe God had different plans for me… maybe He wanted me to use those God given talents to help another little c church or even the big C church. Not a personal issue, just following orders if you will.
“If you only want to hear things you already know and agree with, save your Sundays and talk to yourself in the bathroom mirror.” Maybe that is what caused the change to begin with… hearing the same thing, but the little c church doing nothing to continue that understanding. If a church is loosing members… figure out why. Did the minister or pastor use the same sermon every season? Is he challenging the congregation to think and act more Christ like – or just sitting on the sidelines preaching on Sunday. Some love to sit on the sidelines… some don’t – you need to figure out what you want to be and if that is good enough…not just for you, but for God. Also, to encourage me to “save my Sundays” because you think that I am church hopping solely because of the sermon and whether or not I know or agree with that sermon - well, that is pretty closed minded as to why people leave a little c church.
My thought is rather than be discouraged with someone stopping by and moving on, you should continue to keep on telling the story… singing the song… if you are loosing people – figure out why… if you are gaining people – figure out why. In today’s society, life is not about standing still – during Christ life it wasn’t about standing still - it was about growing and adapting and changing.